Day 17: Church Break

I needed a break from church, but I didn’t want it. In fact, I spent nearly two years giving God reasons for not obeying Him.

I know it’s hard to believe that God would suggest a break from church, but that’s exactly what happened. Still, I kept listing off the reasons not to take a break:

• I’ve always been in church.
• I love to sing, and church is a great place to do so.
• My kids should be in church.
• Mark won’t want to take a break.
• I’m a Christian; I can’t not go to church. That’s not socially acceptable in my world.

Yet, circumstances occurred which led me to my current break from church. God has a funny way of showing us what’s best for us.

The first six or seven Sundays were extremely difficult. I guess breaking any lifetime habit is hard. I missed the routine. I missed getting dressed up. I missed singing. I missed seeing friends. I missed Sunday lunch at the Mexican restaurant.

Did you notice what I didn’t miss?

I didn’t and still don’t miss listening to and critiquing everything I was being taught. Every Sunday, I would sit in church and feel like I was in a mental wrestling match. Is that right? Is that what that verse means? Is that really what Jesus died for? Where’s grace in what’s being said? I was exhausted every Sunday from the struggle to find unadulterated grace in the messages being delivered.

God has taught me, shown me, and given me so much grace that it felt offensive to hear anything not drowning in grace.

The mental struggle and wrestling has died down over these past few months. I’m finding peace and joy again after a long battle. Mark and I have been listening to messages full of grace on Sundays.

I’m no longer exhausted from trying to fit bits of legalism into the grace God has written on my heart. It was like taking pieces from two different jigsaw puzzles and trying to make them fit together. It wouldn’t work.

For the first time in a very long time, I’ve come to look forward to and enjoy Sundays. My heart and mind are resting with peace. Isn’t that what Sabbath was intended for anyway?

I’m thankful for this church break, temporary as it may be. I’m thankful for the circumstances that led to it. I’m thankful for the peace and rest I’ve gained from it. I’m thankful that God shows me His best for me.