Today’s guest post is the fifth in the Spirit of Christmas series. I met Chris Roe of Encounter Ministries through a mutual friend close to a year ago. Chris is a straight-shooter with a tender heart. His stories, whether written or verbal, always encourage me. Enjoy Chris’s honest take on Christmas!
When I sat down to the keyboard I didn’t intend to write a cliche´post about Christmas and the excess that comes along with it, BUT, the truth is….I have too much stuff.
Ten years ago when my dad died I had too much stuff. Then I brought a bunch of sentimental stuff home when my mom moved out of their house. It took over the garage. THE GARAGE! We used to actually park IN the garage. So now I had too much stuff on top of too much stuff. (It’s really Crap not Stuff, but I wasn’t sure which word Rebekah would rather me write on her blog. And Crap is just christianese for Shit but that’s an even worse word, right?) But I would get to it eventually and then we could park in there again. That’s what I told myself (and my wife). I lost my job, started a non-profit, and work from home. More stuff. Suddenly four years passed and we were pregnant. And you guessed it, that means more stuff. And I had only half-heartedly (ok 1/16th-heartedly) addressed the stuff issue. So I couldn’t deal with all this stuff yet, not with a newborn in the house. But I’d get to it eventually.
My wife is an only child. I am the oldest child. My brother has no children. My son was the first grandbaby on either side of the family. He got LOTS of stuff. The generosity of grandparents, uncles, aunts, and family is wonderful…and exceeded the capacity of my modest home. A few more years, another pregnancy, bedrest for the wife, still working from home on the fledgling ministry, had a part-time ebay golf business, and the house and garage is still full of stuff. Not like on that show Hoarders. I doubt that it is worse than most houses, but it’s still a lot of stuff. We increased our attempts to manage our stuff to make room for the new baby. She was the first grandDAUGHTER! Lord, help us! She’s now 3 and we have yet more stuff.
My brother lived six miles away. Yes, lived. He decided to broaden his horizons and move to New York City. He was housing his half of the sentimental-Dad-stuff like 5 big boxes of Classic Rock Albums. He was moving to an apartment 1/6th the size of his house so now that stuff is at my house too.
Now on top of all that, it’s about to be Christmas. Crap (christianese)! Christmas! More stuff. I sense impending doom. Kind of like putting the next to last JENGA ® piece before the whole thing is going to fall over. It hasn’t toppled yet, but (with Christmas on the way) it is about to.
And so all this leads up to a refrain playing in the back of my soul. It starts quietly but steadily. As Thanksgiving gives way to December it begins to sprout. Then grow. And then it takes root like “What Does the Fox Say?” or “Gangum Style” and goes to bed with me and wakes me up in the morning. It’s just over and over, Christmas Sucks! More stuff. GOD, help us more STUFF! And I feel like a Scrooge when my wife (sweetly) told me I’m kind of grumpy this time of year. And I am. There’s lots more to it than just all the stuff. My Dad is gone and has never spent a Christmas with my kids. It’s a tough time of year for finances and ministry. I’m sure I need more Vitamin D. But the refrain that’s playing in my heart and mind as I awake is that Christmas Sucks. Not just Christmas, but December too, and the early part of January. Maybe even until my son’s birthday in Mid-January….oh yeah, that means more stuff too….UGH!
But it is not really Christmas that sucks.
But something feels sucky.
I think a big part of it is that I haven’t dealt with the old stuff (actual stuff, emotional stuff, spiritual stuff). I have dealt with some of it, am dealing with other parts of it, and some of it I am still practicing active avoidance. But Christmas seems to bring with it a reflection or realization of things unseen most of the rest of the year. Like the impending toppling of the Jenga ® tower of stuff.
But I think the even deeper suck-ness (I am just making up words now) isn’t my inability to deal with the piles of the past, it’s my struggle to be present to the now. It’s the pressure I feel to meet expectations (who am I trying to please anyway?) that make me say No more than Yes when my kids and wife want/need my unfettered attention. It’s the momentum from always feeling behind that makes me grumpy when it takes too long to decorate the house. It’s the worrying whether people will think I work hard enough to deserve financial support that makes up my salary that keeps me from going to my son’s Fencing class last night and my daughter’s gymnastics class today.
I am reminded of Matthew 11 in The Message Bible where Jesus says, Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest, and about learning the unforced rhythms of grace. My response to this season seems more like forced rhythms of hurriedness. I don’t think that’s what he has offered me for the taking….
As usual I am unsure how to wrap this up. Maybe I’m not supposed to. I hope it starts a conversation (on the blog or in your home). Do you get grumpy this time of year? Are you strangled by expectations and running from your stuff? Wouldn’t you like a little more of that rest and unforced rhythms of grace?
I know I would.
Chris has experience as a favored son and a branded outcast in a church. He’s a Sunday School dropout. He’s been a college minister, a worship leader, an interim pastor, a sales manager with high blood pressure, a driving range flunky, a recovering “Good Boy,” a wanna-be blogger, and a non-profit founder (Encounter Ministries 2004). He’s been challenged to two fights in his life, one in a comedy club and one in a church building after a prayer meeting. Most importantly, he spends his life fighting for the hearts of anyone who doesn’t yet fully believe that God loves them beyond their wildest dreams. You can connect with him on Twitter and Facebook.
Chris I read your post early this morning but didn’t comment because I didn’t want to admit that I do get not just grumpy but even a little depressed this time of year. I know as a “good Christian” it is suppose to be the most joyous time of year but that isn’t always the way I feel. If I take time to slow down and focus on the birth of Christ…on the fact that this baby we are celebrating didn’t remain a baby. If I look forward to all that His birth brought then yes I find an overflowing joy. However, I am not alway strong enough to bossy my heart around. I can’t always tell it where to focus,so I end up being strangled by the expectations of the world.
Thanks for sharing and giving me the okay to say yep sometimes the Christmas season sucks.
Amy, Thanks so much for your honesty. I love having a more honest discourse about…..well just about everything. No sacred cows, let’s all face our “stuff”, quit pretending, and give God more room to work.
Love and appreciate your heart and thoughts.
Well, Chris, I get this. Check out my guest-post on Rebekah’s on Dec. 20th. I talk about stuff too. I appreciate your honesty, and what Amy said as well. I think a lot of my disappoinment this time of year has to do with my own unmet expectations for Christmas. And yes, too much stuff coming into the house as well (and not a lot going out). What to do? I think part of the problem is combining gift-giving (which started with St. Nicholas Day) w/ Christmas. We get it all mixed up and it’s hard to separate it out. Would that I could just commemorate Christ’s birth and let go all the rest. Actually, this Advent, I am fasting from TV news, and I can’t tell you how refreshing it;s been. Rebekah encouraged me last year to fast from reading Christian books–an interesting exercise for a Christian author! That, too, was a wonderful experience. Maybe fasting, in part, is the answer to excess. Thanks for sharing so *honestly*!
Merry Christmas!
Lynn Morrissey
Thanks Lynn! Brennan Manning says that so many prayers go “unanswered” because we pray from our “Imposter” (our false self, poser, masks, etc). And because of that we often feel unloved (personally, intimately cared for) by God. I would also add that because so much of our interaction (blog, church, friendships, family) is from our false self, the front that we put up, our “acceptable” veneer that we feel unloved by those around us too. So we go into and through this most special season that commemorates the love of “God with US” feeling unloved…and all due in large part to our unwillingness to be who we are right now….not our better selves, but our real selves. Thanks for your input and encouragement. Blessings!
Thanks for sharing so openly, Chris. It rang bells (of warning) for me too. We are currently drowning in stuff after our sorting/decluttering plans for this year were scuppered by health problems and other issues assuming greater priority than sifting and ridding our home of excess. As the year draws to a close I feel that pressure (and panic, did I mention panic?) of being in a mess and wanting it all to be oh so different.
Then I take a deep breath and remember that family needs and concerns rightlty take the highest order in our lives. Yes, a clear and tidy environment helps us relax better too, but parts can be made presentable while others hide the mess. Christmas is all about Love coming down and grace appearing. Yet how hard it can be to give ourselves so little of that.
So I am taking a step back, praying, reflecting, and putting the focus on the essentials ~ my relationship with God, my family, loved ones and friends. Aiming for ‘good enough’, basic, comfortable and easy over unachievable perfectionism.
Sorry to run on..I’ve almost written a blog post’s worth here. You can see how this touched a nerve! Thank you
Thanks, Joy! (Love your name btw). My son has two life-altering ongoing health issues. Those do help focus back on the important things. But even those contribute to the “stuff” in my life. Often, my need for wrestling with God over my 5 yr old’s pain and struggle gets put in the garage of my heart rather than faced head on. And so it builds up. It often takes a season like this to bring those things to the surface.
And I didn’t even mention the one who comes to Steal, kill, & destroy…..that’s for another post though!
Shoulder to Shoulder…..
Chris – good stuff here, bro. Thanks for sharing your heart. I, too, think you have too much stuff. Have you thought about giving your stuff to me?
Seriously, I think dealing with too much stuff, and dealing with life issues often comes back to saying, “No.” I think we need to know it’s ok to say “no.” I think we need to teach our children to say “no.” And I think the enemy knows we don’t say “no” enough…
By the way, what are you doing to deal with your “active avoidance” of certain stuff?
Thanks, Allen! You want my stuff? Come get it…except for the really good LP’s. One of the ways I am dealing with the “active avoidance” is writing about it. And I have this group of guys that meets on Tues nights (you should come hang out with us sometime and see what it’s all about 😉 and I keep trying to get them to believe I am not perfect and have my stuff too (double wink). The more I entrust my true self to those closest to me (wife, kids, family, close faith family) the more stuff I realize that there is to be faced and healed. I am thankful for those places, those people, and my increasing willingness to put my “stuff” out there.