On The Sidelines

Two years ago I crossed the finish line with my face buried in my hands, tears streaming down my face. I was proud and exhausted and confident and sad. I’d completed my first half-marathon…something I wasn’t sure I could really do. I was so proud to have completed something I’d worked so hard to accomplish. I was exhausted because I’d never run that far before, even while training. I was confident that I’d be able to do it again. And I was sad because some of the people I wanted to celebrate with me weren’t interested.

I ran again last year, and while I still felt the thrill of crossing the finish line, it wasn’t as exhilarating as the first time. Still, I had another hard-earned medal hanging from my neck.

Today I stood on the sidelines and watched with teary eyes as runners crossed the finish line. I swallowed my disappointment with myself, and cheered as my husband reached his goal of completing the half in less than two hours.

Up until mid-December, I’d planned to run the race again. By January, I knew I hadn’t prepared well enough to run. I’d skipped way too many morning runs, and made way too many excuses. I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal if I skipped today’s race. After all, I’d run it twice. But as I walked the blocks from my car to the finish line, I knew I’d made a mistake.

For thirty minutes, I stood at the edge of the finish line, watching and waiting for my husband. And with each runner that crossed the line, I knew I’d learned my lesson: I wasn’t made to stand on the sidelines. I was made to fight through and finish the race.

I’ve been standing on the sidelines way too much lately. I’ve been watching life happen. I’ve been swallowing disappointment…with others and with myself. I’ve cried too many tears and tasted too many regrets.

No more.

I’m ready to get back in the race. I’m ready to fight my way back among the runners…among those who make life happen instead of watching it pass by. I’m ready to deal with the pain and fight my way through the hurt. I’m ready to push through instead of giving up. I’m ready to empty the places in my heart and head that are filled with people who don’t care to celebrate with and for me.

I’m ready…

because there’s nothing sweeter than crossing the finish line when you’ve earned it.