I didn’t choose a One Word for this new year. I didn’t make any resolutions. I haven’t set any goals. Instead, I’ve decided to take the “Whatever happens, happens” approach to this year.
I’ve spent the past few years trying to intentionally live out words that had deep significance to me. I’ve set goals and tried every way I knew to meet them. I’ve set high expectations (for myself and others) and experienced too much disappointment. I’ve dreamed big dreams and failed miserably.
I can’t do any of it anymore.
I can’t think in year-long terms. By doing so, I set myself up for failure.
So this is the year in which I’m saying…
Whatever.
If I ever get the chance to sing again, I’ll be over-the-moon. And if I don’t, I suppose I’ll eventually settle into being okay with that. As with most other types of emptiness, something else will come along to fill the holes with the passage of time.
If I start writing that book I keep thinking about, I’ll figure out the process along the way. And if I don’t, it won’t be the end of the world.
If I get involved in church again, great. And If I don’t, life will keep trucking along pretty much the same as it is now.
If relationships are reconciled, I will be ecstatic. And if not, I won’t lose anymore tears or sleep or peace over them.
I don’t mean to sound as if I don’t care what happens this year. I do. But I can’t care too much because caring too much has broken my heart in recent years. My heart needs a break this year. It needs to mend from all the disappointment and rejection and failure and broken dreams. I don’t need to add to that already-devastating list.
So I think (I hope) I’m being honest with you and with myself when I say I’ll be okay with whatever happens.
Hi Rebekah!
I think what you have written here will prove to be a giant step forward in your journey. I started to realize a while back that it’s okay to live a “normal” life – one without what basically boils down to continuing to strive for something “better,” to be “better,” to accomplish something “better.” Instead, I am learning to live and love the here and now. For way too long, I tried to reach that invisible “bar” that would prove to everyone – especially me – that I was wanted, needed, worthy, nice, likable, etc. And what I’m finding is that I am now more “present” with those who were there for me all along – my husband, my sons, my granddaughter, my friends (friends outside the church whom I gave the last of whatever time and attention I had because I was so busy trying to be “better” for people who didn’t even care or want me to be “better” so that we could have a positive relationship). And I have found joy and contentment was always right there waiting for me.
You have a family – husband and children, yes? Were you like me? Were you not fully present for them because you were so busy trying to be “better”? If so, believe me when I say that you were all they ever wanted right from the start and they have been waiting for you to realize it. You don’t need to write a book or be on a stage somewhere. You are so incredibly loved right where you are and you have the opportunity to rest in that and to enjoy it. “Whatever” to all of the stuff that you kept striving for and have been out of your grasp. Wrap your arms around what’s right there with you and has been all along.
Love you,
Ellen
Thanks for the encouragement, Ellen. I hope everything is going well!
Rebekah, I too, decided not to join in on the One Word this year either. However, I have written out some goals but they are goals I want to do for me, my family and because I enjoy them. In the past my goals were all about (like Ellen said) make me better in the eyes of those around me.
I pray that your whatever this year is beautiful and healing.
I’ve got no goals right now. I think I’m going to have to take one day at a time.
Can’t wait for lunch with you & Jamie!
I’ve actually never done the “one word” emphasis thing–never set any specific resolutions for a new year. I don’t know, maybe I should have. I do, however, like the word “whatever.” Seems like that’s where I’ve lived the last several years. I still feel the pinch of disappointment and, sometimes, the pinnacle of happiness. I have attempted not to allow any particular “whatever” to define who I am. I do pray that your “whatevers” will bring you some refreshing moments this year. Thank you for your honest sharing in these posts. Shalom, sister.