My family moved frequently when I was growing up. I had no choice but to leave friends behind. Of course, there were always promises of returning to visit, but being a child, I had little control over the matter, so I rarely saw those left behind.
Unconsciously, I quickly learned to cut my losses and move on. After all, I’d make new friends to take the place of those I’d left. I’m not positive how I came to have that mindset. It’s warped, and one I still struggle with even today.
I sat on my front porch late last night, admiring the lit trees full of thick leaves, and the stars shimmering in the sky like little diamonds. As I enjoyed the peace of a quiet night, my heart was troubled. I thought about all the wounds I’ve been carrying close to my heart, like they’re sacred friends. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately…how I’ve tried to cut my losses and move on.
But something struck me last night. I’m not a little girl with no control over my life anymore. Cutting my losses and moving on isn’t working for me anymore; it’s just causing more wounds. I’ve realized that I have to consciously choose to let go of the wounds…those sacred frienemies I’ve been carrying close to my heart. In choosing to let go, I allow room in my heart for beauty…for God to work miracles that result in joy.
You see, the difference in cutting my losses and choosing to let go is this: attitude. The former is an attitude that reeks of Oh well, I can’t do anything about what happened anyway, but I’ll hold on to the hurt. The latter is one that whispers, I can’t change what happened, but I’ll accept who I am today as a result of it, and hold on to hope that God will use it for good.
I think all of us at some time or another due to circumstances beyond or in our control, have left behind friends (or have been left behind due to different paths of life) and decided to cut our losses. I know I have. Through the process, I learned to build walls around my heart so that no one could get very close… because relationships close to the heart only cause hurt, pain and grief in the long run. Right? Now, God is making a way to reconnect to some of those past friends and rebuild relationships. My problem is the walls… they aren’t easily torn down. And while, I want to let go of what I’ve held on to and allow the walls to fall, I proceed with caution, carefully guarding myself to avoid future pain. I know how you feel. And you are correct, cutting losses and choosing to let go is about attitude, but it’s not always easy to change an attitude that has been engraved into a way of life for so many years!