It’s been almost two years since my counselor first suggested I take a break from institutionalized church. From time to time, she would recommend it, and I would reply that I wasn’t ready. After all, I was in church nine months before I entered the world, and have missed very few Sundays and Wednesdays in my lifetime.
I knew she was right. I knew I needed the break, but I couldn’t imagine not showing up at a church building.
I’ve spent the last several years breaking out of my religious box, yet every time I went to church, I felt like I was being forced back into it. I’d sit in the pew each week and listen with a critical ear, trying to discern truth. In addition, any questions I voiced were usually met with disapproval. Instead of leaving church renewed each week, I left frustrated and weary.
But I wasn’t ready to take a break.
God knows what’s best for us, and has a way of making that happen. He knew I needed a break, and that I was unlikely to make the decision on my own to take it.
Events unfolded, and now my family and I find ourselves on a church break. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but it’s been a relief.
These verses from Matthew 11 keep showing up in my life:
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. (28-30)
I’ve been tired, worn out and burned out from religion. But I’m already starting to feel the rest only He can supply. The struggle I’ve grown so used to being part of my life seems to be coming to an end. I sense a coming freedom to be who I couldn’t be inside the confines of the church where I’ve spent the last five years, and the denomination in which I grew up.
Sometimes God calls us to live in such a way that religion will never approve. And that’s what He’s showing me. He has things for me to say and do that I didn’t have the freedom to say and do as long as I was trying to meet the criteria laid out for me in the church ministries where I was.
I’m seeing that whatever I do in Him is rest, and that’s equivalent to my heart being fully alive. My heart wasn’t fully alive as long I was bearing the weight of religion.
Will I go back to church at some point? Probably, although I don’t know what that will look like. For now, I’m learning to live freely and lightly in the arms of the One who teaches me the unforced rhythms of grace.
Proud of you for making the hard decision to just step back and rest. {{hugs}}
Thanks for the encouragement, Karen!
I haven’t taken a break from church exactly, but I am resting this year. The concept of resting in Jesus is one that is repeated in my life over and over again for the past couple of years. This year He has called me to say no to a lot of churchy things I’ve said yes to in the past. But I am not out of church. I guess I feel a freedom not to go to church though. Your church chains seem to be tighter and therefore your freedom will require something more drastic, I think. Does that make sense?
It does not seem right that you cannot ask questions in the one place that is supposed to be safe. Even if the questions are hard or if the answers are not what you wanted them to be or if the questions are not what someone else wants them to be. I am sad that church = religion in your experience. That you cannot find people within your sphere that understand the freedom you describe. I haven’t found quite as many Pharisees at my church, but then again, I haven’t had to challenge the status quo as much.
I am still learning and your posts make me think. Sometimes I am not sure if we are still on the same page, but I love thinking through what God is saying to you versus what I am also learning. Thanks for writing.
Yeah, totally makes sense. I think this break is about redefining my concept of church so that it’s not about religion anymore.
I do have people in my life who have experienced and know freedom, and I’m thankful for them. They speak truth into my life on a regular basis.
I think it’s okay to be on different pages because we all experience Jesus and grow in different ways at different times. Truth is truth, but the experiences He uses in our lives to reveal it leads us to interpret it in different ways. I think that’s how He uses us…to speak to the circles He’s placed us in.
Always appreciate your comments!
I am sorry but I totally disagree with you! There is a big difference in religion and Christianity ! Sometimes the demands of church life can wear you out but that is usually because you are doing it for people & not for The Lord ! We grow weary when you try to please people & not The Lord ! I don’t think you should ever have to take a break from church or The Lord! I think we will go through seasons in our lives where we need to say no to things in church but God has called us to be a part of the body of Christ! That is the body of believers or the church! If we are confined by our church than maybe your in the wrong church! There is freedom in Christ ! Your church should never make you feel confined or so busy that you grow weary! If you grow weary of doing good than you have a heart issue!
I am not judging you or condemning you but I do what you to think about these things, pray & read the scripture for direction! I will be praying for you!
Jean, thanks for reading and for your comment.
What a gracious answer you gave. I’m right there with you. I have been in highly toxic churches many years ago, as a result, my antennae is always up and when I see or sense danger in the church leadership, I have the freedom in Christ to move on, or take a break after trying to get my question answered first. I have been freer spiritually. I think when leadership is taking a humble position, they will hear you out. If we don’t expose wrongdoing in the institution of worship then the body of worship eventually gets poisoned and begins to follow the leaders voice rather than Jesus, the true Shepherd. I love that paraphrased verse also, it’s become my lifesaver. We are all broken in some way and our leaders are subject to the same brokenness. Only One is Perfect. I pray for church leaders to lead humbly, so we can follow Jesus together humbly.