Isaiah 43:1 was the calling. The preparation had taken place in prior months, but on that hot August day when the speaker read these words, I knew God meant them for me:
…Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
As I tossed and turned in bed alone that night, I prayed the whatever, wherever prayer. Whatever you want me to do, wherever you want me to go, I’m willing. My life is yours. My children are yours. I surrender.
In the months and years that followed, I thought I had a pretty good idea of God’s plans for me. In reality, maybe they were my plans for myself. I was sure I was going to be a women’s event worship leader. The one thing that bothered me was that I didn’t believe I had a testimony. Of course I could tell about the day I accepted Christ. And I could tell about the calling. But I believed my relationship with God to be based upon my behavior. And I’d been a pretty good girl.
Then I jumped off the good-girl cliff. That ugly experience was my beautiful undoing. It was the breaking that God used to draw me to Himself. Even so, I was certain He had revoked His call. And even if He hadn’t, I was no longer a worthy representative for Him.
He put a desire in my heart to communicate authentically and transparently with other people about grace and mercy. He gave me the desire to encourage others through valleys. Selfishly, even now, I want to be the person for others that I wish had been available to me.
Over the course of the last two months, God has unexpectedly surprised me by placing a music project in my hands. It’s overwhelming to know that He is giving me an opportunity to use my voice, as well as some of my words, to sing the new song He’s given me.
This new song is one of deliverance. He led me from a place of legalistic religion to unconditional love. He gently tugged at the mask I wore for so long, wanting to expose the beauty of the new heart He created. He broke down barriers of pompous pride, and in their place, built bridges of mercy. He loosened the shackles of shame, carried me through the valley of fear, and lifted me to a safe place where my heart could awaken.
The desire God’s given me is to see people delivered…to be captured and freed by Love and set in a place where He makes all things new.
