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Before Sunday, I’d only heard snippets of Hozier’s song, “Take Me To Church,” but as I drove to the grocery store that afternoon, I listened to the entire song. Chills covered my arms, and a haunting hinted at my spirit. I immediately wanted to listen to it over and over.
I’ve had “Take Me To Church” on repeat since Sunday. The imagery fascinates me, and the melody has me hooked.
The “Amen” section along with the soulful feel brings to mind Larnell Harris’s song, “Amen.” Of course, the two songs couldn’t be more opposite. Still I find myself switching randomly between singing the two songs.
As someone who’s been dealing with the remnants of a lifetime of church frustrations and spiritual abuse, and who has felt the heavy weight of sin for as long as I can remember, “Take Me To Church” stirs up all kinds of feelings, and “Amen” stirs up all kinds of memories.
I appreciate the art that is “Take Me To Church.” I find the overtly religious lyrics and the message within them to be all manner of clever. The soulful, bluesy feel that could easily be interpreted as gospel adds to my fascination with it.
Besides the hook, the one line I keep thinking about is this: “We were born sick,” you heard them say it.
Ah, yes. We were born sick, sinful, deceitful, desperately wicked. That’s what I learned, what I recall from my earliest memories. Shame.
In the brand of religion in which I grew up, children were praised for good behavior. We were complimented for our looks. We were encouraged to be good, do good.
But no one ever said, Your heart is good. You are good. Instead, we were sick people who God simply tolerated. If only we could be good enough.
I’m still fighting the battle of shame. I’m fighting to believe there’s anything good in me or about me. I’m fighting to believe there’s a God who might actually delight in and treasure me. Hell, I’m fighting to believe anybody would delight in or treasure me.
The more I ponder it, I think we weren’t born sick. Rather, the sickness lies in the brands of religion that perpetuate shame, that cause people to spend a lifetime believing they can’t trust themselves, that deny people their worth and value.
We were born sick, you heard them say it
But what if they were wrong?
I was raised in a similar stream of religion. “Your heart is desperately wicked” was what I heard. I heard you had to practice your spiritual disciplines faithfully so your wicked heart would… I don’t even know. It can be such a web of contradictions. I am so glad to be free from that version of Christianity. God slowly walked me away from that boxed in place, brought me out into the wide open spaces of grace. I still struggle with what I believe. I say “I don’t know” to more doctrinal questions than I used to, but I have more to say about my walk with God… and I think that has greater value. I tell my kids “you are a regular person who sometimes make bad choices, but usually you try to do what is right.” Because the whole sin/shame cycle is from hell.
P.S. I do still believe in original sin, sort of. I believe that you don’t have to teach your child to hit/steal/be mean but that’s pretty much where it ends for me.