The gentleman busied himself with writing a receipt for services rendered and chatted with me as I stood at the kitchen counter making my lunch. I was prepared for the topic of conversation since he’d brought up the same subject the two previous times he’d been in my home.
He mentioned the Scripture art on my walls and complimented my home. Then, he did something he’d not done on the last two visits: he asked to pray over my home. I carried on making my lunch and simply said, “No, thank you.” I followed my “No” with a smile and a brief, kind explanation. He responded by stumbling over his words, “Oh. I didn’t mean to offend you,” as he hurried towards the door. I called out that he hadn’t offended me at all, but he seemed a little too flustered to notice.
Now, it’s not uncommon deep in the Bible Belt for folks to mix business and religion. In fact, I can recall times when I was the one entering homes of people I barely knew for business, then bringing up my faith. So, when the man asked to pray over my home, I was neither surprised nor offended. I simply asserted my “No.”
A few minutes after he scurried out the door and drove away, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. It was the gentleman, apologizing if he’d offended me. Once again, I assured him he’d not offended me and told him that I’d been in his shoes before so I understood where he was coming from. We ended the call cordially, and I was left to ponder the exchange.
It’s taken up to this point in my life to be able to say “No” to someone else’s request (especially those of Christians and having to do with faith) and not feel guilty. It’s taken forty years to be able to politely enforce boundaries I’ve set for myself. And it’s taken equally as long to tell someone I’m offended by their actions when I am. Strangely, though, now that I’m secure in gently, but firmly, saying “No,” I am far less offended by people’s actions than previously.
In addition, when people tell me “No” now, I am much more accepting of it. I no longer feel I’m being rejected or that others are offended just by me asking a question.
When we are sincere in asking a question, we need not always apologize when the answer is not one we wanted or expected. There was no need for the gentleman to apologize for asking to pray over my home, much less to follow up the apology with another one over the phone. While I appreciated the fact that he wanted to make certain he hadn’t offended me, it was unnecessary to make such an assumption just because I declined his request.
Somehow, Christians (at least in the evangelical world) have come to equate “No” with offense and persecution and rejection, and “Yes” with humility and Christ-likeness. Instead, shouldn’t it be something like, “…let your yes be yes, and your no be no…,” (Matt. 5:37) and let that be it?
Great post, Rebekah. Evangelical Christians or, perhaps better, Southern Christians, often are driven by a cultural politeness that limits the ability simply to bow out of requests. Churches tend to reward Christian “workaholics” who always volunteer for committees, ministries, missions, etc., etc. Thanks for the reminder that sometimes saying “yes”, or simply not accepting a “no” can be un-Christian. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.