Last week my writing partner and I had lunch at a local restaurant while mulling over some lyrics we’d written. I like to people watch, so I’d chosen a table positioned right against the window with a clear view of the sidewalk. About the time our chicken wraps were delivered to us, I noticed a young woman approaching the restaurant. Around her neck, she wore a necklace with a piece of paper attached. I assume the paper to have been a standard 8.5×11 size. The following words were written largely in bright-colored marker:
I am loveable and capable.
I immediately pointed her out to George, and my mind filled with questions.
Why is she wearing that sign? Is this a therapeutic exercise? Why does she need others to know she is loveable and capable? What’s her story?
I don’t exactly remember, but I’m pretty sure I blurted aloud those thoughts. I do remember telling George I wanted to know why she was wearing the sign, and what a great writing opportunity it would be to have her sit with us during lunch. Of course, I had no intention of actually asking her why she wore it, or if she’d like to eat with us. However, George {being the easy conversationalist that he is} walked over and questioned her. After a couple of minutes, he returned with the answer to why she wore the sign.
She was a student at a local school and was part of a team performing a social experiment. She’d just put the sign around her neck, and as the day progressed, she was to tear off a small piece of the sign every time she heard a negative comment. By the end of the day, she’d see how much of the sign was left.
Of course, it wasn’t nearly the dramatic story I’d hoped for, but was interesting nonetheless. I’ve wondered several times over the past week how much paper was left at the end of her day. More than that, I’ve thought about how she must be a pretty confident and brave person to volunteer to wear that sign.
You see, I wouldn’t wear that sign…not even for an experiment. While I know deep down I am loveable and capable, I often find it difficult to believe. I am quick to believe everything negative I think about myself, or that others say about me; and I am slow to believe what God says about me. In fact, if I privately wore that same sign and had to tear off a piece of paper every time I had a negative thought about myself, I’d probably have no paper by the end of the day.
I don’t know why it’s hard to believe the best about myself. Residue of shame, I suppose.
The battle against everything good begins in the mind. For if I truly believe with my mind that God has made me loveable and capable, the battle will cease. Shame will be defeated. Peace will reign. Who knows?…I might find myself …{dare I say it?}…brave and confident enough to wear that sign.
Is your mind a battleground? Do you find it hard to believe the best about yourself?
I struggle with this too. I am trying to find a job right now and it is so weird to have to sell me to potential employers. I often find it’s hard to believe what I say to them. Thanks for posting this.
Ugh…I don’t envy you having to go through that process. Hope you find something soon!
Oh girl. My heart bleeds to even think about how graceless I am with seeing myself as lovable and capable. It’s an immense struggle I’m in right now, and continue to find myself at the bottom of the well, looking up wondering why God would bother. It exudes out in my relationships as anger, resentment, impatience and complacency. I can only hope with a blinded faith that God can work through my redundant shortcomings.