My youngest child handed me her stack of weekly school papers to look through and sign. I flipped through the stapled pile, murmuring, Good job and Nice. However, near the end of the stack, there were a couple of papers that signified something is wrong. She needs help in a couple of subjects.
I asked her what happened to cause the low grades, but she couldn’t give me an answer. I then asked if she had asked her teachers for help to which she replied in an around-the-world kind of way, No.
Although she is by far the loudest child at home, she is extremely quiet and somewhat shy in social situations. Every year when I go to parent-teacher conferences, the teachers always remark on how quiet and well-behaved she is. I’m grateful.
But now her quiet, shy demeanor is working against her. So we had a discussion about asking teachers for help when she doesn’t understand something. As she walked out the door to catch the bus this morning, my parting words were, Ask for help if you need it.
I know that deep down she has a fear of asking for help. She’s afraid of asking a stupid question. Of admitting she doesn’t understand something. I was the same way. I was in high school before I learned that there are no stupid questions.
Most of us know the importance of asking questions in order to gain a better understanding of something. As parents {and as a society}, we encourage our children to ask for help in academics, as well as in social situations.
But us adults…
We might ask questions in a work environment when necessary. We’ll ask our physicians health-related questions. We’re okay with asking questions in order to gain information.
But asking for help? Nuh-uh.
We’d rather fail than ask for help, than admit our weaknesses. We’d rather watch our families fall apart than admit we need counseling. We’d rather be alcoholics and drug addicts and porn addicts and shopaholics rather than admit we can’t kick the addictions on our own. We’d rather max out our credit cards than admit we might need financial help and guidance. We’d rather play the game of religion than admit we can’t remember the last personal encounter we had with God.
We need help. Yet, so few of us ask for it.
We live among community for a reason. It’s not to hide our crap so we can impress our loved ones. The purpose of community is to love, support and help one another. But if we’re all too busy pretending we don’t need help, we’re destined to fail.
If you need help, find someone you trust, and ask for it. The help often is found in just having someone with whom we can share our burdens. Sometimes the help is in getting our problems out of our minds by speaking them aloud to a trusted soul. Most importantly, help is found in a prayer…because God never denies a cry for help.
Push through the fear. Admit you can’t do life alone. Ask for help if you need it.
My kids, especially my oldest, have a hard time asking for help. For her, it is an issue of pride too, not just fear, although they go hand in hand at times, oddly enough.
I think I was an adult, and it was only recently, that I realized I could ask for help. In most circumstances I still don’t do it even though this is a lesson God has taught me repeatedly. I am so glad He is patient with me, never giving up on me in my insecurities and weaknesses. So many times, I was taught to figure it out myself instead of ask for help when I needed it. That works up to a point, but not for every situation. Dependence is absolutely necessary when we approach God, and He wants us to model it in our communities.
This week, I will think about how I can “push through the fear, admit I can’t do life alone, and ask for help if I need it,” and how I can encourage my kids to do the same.
Yeah, I totally think it’s a pride issue as well. It certainly is for me. I find it much easier to ask for information than for help.