Living In Darkness

About a month ago, I was sitting in my office at work when I started to smell something burning. I was alone in the building and started walking around to see what could possibly be causing the stench. Not finding anything, I walked outside to see if any of the neighboring businesses were burning anything, but once in the fresh air, I didn’t smell anything. As I walked back toward my office, the smell was getting stronger. When I rounded the corner, I saw that my office lights were off, but the switch was still on. I flipped the switch upon realizing there was an electrical problem of some kind.

I called my husband and relayed the information. He told me to leave the switch off, and he would check it later. My office gets no natural light unless the warehouse door is open, so it can be a bit dim. With no overhead lighting the past few weeks, the only source for light has been a small lamp on my desk. My husband has been extremely busy, and the lighting issue wasn’t top priority, so I adjusted to only having the lamp and the light of my laptop screen.

Today, my husband turned off the breaker to my office and replaced the entire light fixture with LED lighting. When he flipped the switch, my office went from dim to flourescent-bright. It took a few moments for my eyes, as well as my disposition, to adjust, and I realized how easily I had adapted to the darkness.

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It’s easy to quickly descend into darkness and camp out there without notably recognizing the lack of light. One moment, one choice, or one decision thrust upon on us can plunge us into darkness where light becomes foreign. Our eyes, our attitudes, and our spirits sit with darkness, and soon, it becomes difficult to remember what living in the light felt like. Joy and creativity suffer, their flames snuffed out. The cold comfort of darkness is the culprit that corrupts our ability to see opportunities.

I’ve worked in a dark office for a few weeks, but I’ve lived in darkness far longer. A choice to sacrifice my time and energy and creativity in exchange for a full-time job that leaves me drained has been the equivalent of living in a dark space. Dreams have faded into shadows, and frustration has blinded my vision.

I’m intentionally fighting to find my way back to the light. One choice to write. One decision to seek community. One determination to know my value. Each step toward the light offers clarity. Choosing to change, to make my way out of the darkness is a choice to be who I’m meant to be.