I visited the doctor for a re-check on my wound yesterday morning. He ripped of the gauze {Ouch!!}, and then removed the packing {Scream!!}. He assured me that the wound looked exactly as it should, and that if I’d keep taking the antibiotic, it should heal nicely. He told me to shower twice a day for the next few days to make sure it stayed washed out. In addition, he stated that I should keep my hands washed. Then, he sent me on my merry way.
A little while later, Mark and I headed out to claim our spot on the sand, but first, we had to ride the elevator and walk through a door. Mark reminded me to be sure to keep my hands washed after touching all those buttons and doorknobs. And that’s when it dawned on me: the hand washing is to protect me, not necessarily to protect others. I had been thinking that I needed to wash my hands so I wouldn’t spread the infection to anyone, but in fact, it’s to keep germs away from my wound.
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For as long as I can remember, I have blamed myself for anything that was wrong in my family or friend’s lives. Even when I did absolutely nothing.
I talked with a family member the other day, and I recounted a horrible event for which I’ve always blamed myself. I was dumbfounded to hear how she didn’t even remember what I’d done, and that my innocent action was not the cause. What relief to know I could dump that shame I’ve been carrying!
I’ve thought for years and years that I am toxic, that I’m a danger to everyone. I bought that lie from hell as a little girl without even realizing it. I never even considered that others might be dangers to me. After all, surely I deserved abandonment, name calling and lack of respect…from anybody that wanted to dish them out.
Shame is a tactic of the Evil One to destroy lives. Shame tells us we are the problem. It tells us we can’t do anything right and that everything we do negatively affects those in our lives. Shame tortures those who live with it.
But Grace steps in and says, You’re not the problem. You never were. You are enough. You are valuable, and you are loved. There’s no need to protect others from yourself. Love and give from your heart. I’ll protect it. And when it’s broken by thoughtless words and deeds, I’ll put it back together again.
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“Shame”
