When I decided to heal and move forward with MY life, I had to stop taking care of other people’s feelings and finally validate MY feelings. When I finally put my own healing first, I began to see the dysfunction more clearly. I finally saw that I was contributing to the sick dysfunctional cycle by going along with it. – Darlene Ouimet

Narcissistic, explosive, violent, savage, monster, bitter, unforgiving, vengeful…

The above words have been used recently by some members of my family of origin to describe me…all because I’ve been seeking healing from childhood abuse. I can’t describe how deeply those words have buried themselves within me that I constantly question my worth and value. I’ve been slow to realize that by allowing those words to affect me so deeply, the cycle continues.

One of my abusers has suggested that God permitted my childhood abuse for His good and the good of others. For a moment, I bought into that lie. I also bought into the lie that because I am seeking healing and validating the truth of what I experienced, I am a fraud in respect to grace and forgiveness.

I’ve remained silent for years, neglecting my worth and value in order to spare reputations. Truth be told, fear was also a big factor in my silence…fear of more false guilt, name calling, and spiritual abuse, all of which I have experienced throughout my life.

Today I face those fears, and begin the journey of speaking out with courage. For myself. And for those of you who might need to hear what I have to say. If that makes me any of the words I’ve been called, then so be it. I am far more interested in discovering my journey to wholeness and freedom than in remaining captive to my abusers’ opinions of me.

I’m not seeking revenge, nor am I seeking to hurt anyone through this journey, as I will be accused of doing. I simply can no longer deny the experiences that led me to where I am today. I hope to share my stories with grace, and in doing so, find God in the events in which He seemed so distant.