Each day, I make my way around the blogosphere reading articles. Sometimes I read to see what others are writing about; sometimes I just find a title interesting; sometimes I’m looking for someone else’s wisdom or insight into a topic.
Yesterday, when I saw the title “Apologies,” I expected wise counsel. And it was…mostly. The author began by stating that a good apology should contain a verbal admission of wrongdoing so that both parties are in agreement about what caused the hurt. She went on to say that a good apology also includes looking the wronged party in the eyes when saying, I’m sorry.
The part that keeps gnawing at me is the final section about restitution. The author did admit that restitution isn’t always straightforward, but suggested that those apologizing use their imaginations to answer, How can we right this wrong, what might that look like?
I wonder if it might’ve been wise for her to acknowledge that there are some circumstances in which restitution just isn’t possible. Sometimes a good apology can only include the first two steps: verbal admission of wrongdoing without excuse or justification, and a sincere I’m sorry with eye contact. There are circumstances in which nothing else can be done. Nothing to return, no compensation for loss, no way to go back to the way things were, no way to right the wrong.
When the person wronged holds on to the desire for restitution, they likely won’t forgive no matter how sincere an apology the offender gives.
Sometimes there just has to be a letting go…a decision to forgive. Sometimes that’s a decision that has to be made repeatedly. But when the person wronged continually tries to make the offender pay, and the offender lives in a constant state of trying to right a wrong for which there is no restitution, hearts harden instead of grow close together.
I’ve been on both sides of the wrong in circumstances for which no restitution could be made. As the one who wronged another under such circumstances, I can tell you there is no greater burden to bear than trying to return to the way things were. I finally learned that sometimes a good and sincere apology is all I can do, and restitution will occur when God makes all things new.
As the one who has been wronged under such circumstances, I can tell you that it’s easy to want to make the offender pay, especially when there’s not been a good and sincere apology. It’s then that I learned I have choose to forgive and let go of my desire to make the offender pay.
I understand that restitution is Biblical, and should be made when circumstances allow. But when situations occur for which no restitution can be made, I have to trust that God will take good and sincere apologies and use them to knit hearts back together.
