If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you probably know by now that I often share way too much information. This post is one of those. If you have a weak stomach, this is your warning.
Before we arrived at the beach on Saturday afternoon, I had developed a small infection on my inner thigh. I won’t completely gross you out with details, so just take my word when I say it was becoming painful. By Saturday night, it was hurting to walk. I texted my friend who works in dermatology and asked her what I should do. To put it nicely, she replied that I’d need to open the area and drain the infection. Instead, I went to bed hoping it would be better by Sunday morning.
When I woke up yesterday morning, the infected area had grown to cover most of my inner thigh and was red, swollen and felt like a small boulder was underneath my skin. And walking was more painful than it had been on Saturday. However, I went along with my day, trying to ignore the pain.
By last night, I knew I had to take my friend’s advice or I was going to wind up visiting a doctor on my vacation. I went to a local drugstore and purchased the items I needed to perform my own mini-surgery. Over the course of a couple of hours, I opened the wound and drained as much of the infection as possible. It was very painful, so I stopped every few minutes to let the pain subside. Eventually, I drained most of the infection, and experienced some relief.
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A few months ago, I recognized my wound of abandonment. I realized that throughout my life, the wound grew with each experience of abandonment, whether physical or emotional. Those experiences are what the Evil One used to infect my spirit.
I tried to deny my wounds. I often ignored the hurt inflicted and tried to deny the power I allowed it to have. I realized that throughout my life, I’d allowed people to say and do things that hurt me in order to keep them from abandoning me.
Eventually, I began to learn about boundaries. I learned that it was okay for me to speak up about how I want and need to be treated…to be respected as a human being. I began learning how to say no to things I didn’t want to allow into my life.
But infections don’t disappear overnight without opening the wounds and treating them. However, when the wound becomes infected and the pain is too great to ignore, it’s then that we open it, treat it and eventually experience healing.
I’ve been opening the wounds by writing about them, and treating them through counseling. I’m still learning this whole boundaries thing. Learning that it’s okay to say, Enough is enough. I don’t like how you’re treating me, and I don’t have to put up with it. If you’re a people pleaser like me, you know how extremely difficult that is to do. But when I actually do it, I experience so much relief. I drain the bitterness that threatens to infect me.
When I take the actions of opening of my wounds, treating them and setting boundaries to keep more infection from setting in, it can only mean one thing: healing is soon to follow.
