There are two kinds of lonely. One is a result of being alone, which is easily remedied by being around people. The other is a deep-down, pit-in-your-stomach kind of lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people.

The former is a type of loneliness that seeks to be amused…something or someone to pass the time. The latter is one that seeks internal satisfaction and fulfillment…intimacy {in this context, meaning a close, authentic relationship} .

I am well acquainted with both types.

I find that when I am lonely as a result of being alone, I seek to change my circumstances. I go to the mall; I call a friend; I watch t.v.

When I feel the aching kind of loneliness, I seek to change me. I begin to wonder what is wrong with me. I start believing I’m always the problem. That’s true some of the time, but not always.

I easily forget that maybe people reject the idea of intimacy with me because of something within them. As foreign as it is to me, some people prefer surface chatter, and intimate conversation makes them uncomfortable. I’m just the opposite: surface chatter makes me uncomfortable. That’s not bad; it just means we do life differently.

So…what to do when I’m surrounded, yet lonely?

The easy answer is to just be myself, and hope people accept me for who I am. I’m not wired that way. I retreat at the first hint of what feels like rejection {which, in reality, may just be someone staying within their comfort zone the same way I stay in mine}.

And the more difficult answer? Well, I’m not sure. Maybe I make the first move. Maybe I step out of my comfort zone. Maybe I give way to surface chatter. But those seem like trite answers.

Truth is, I just don’t know the answer.