Today’s guest post is the fifth in the Spirit of Christmas series. I met Chris Roe of Encounter Ministries through a mutual friend close to a year ago. Chris is a straight-shooter with a tender heart. His stories, whether written or verbal, always encourage me. Enjoy Chris’s honest take on Christmas!

When I sat down to the keyboard I didn’t intend to write a cliche´post about Christmas and the excess that comes along with it, BUT, the truth is….I have too much stuff.

Ten years ago when my dad died I had too much stuff. Then I brought a bunch of sentimental stuff home when my mom moved out of their house. It took over the garage. THE GARAGE! We used to actually park IN the garage. So now I had too much stuff on top of too much stuff. (It’s really Crap not Stuff, but I wasn’t sure which word Rebekah would rather me write on her blog. And Crap is just christianese for Shit but that’s an even worse word, right?) But I would get to it eventually and then we could park in there again. That’s what I told myself (and my wife). I lost my job, started a non-profit, and work from home. More stuff. Suddenly four years passed and we were pregnant. And you guessed it, that means more stuff. And I had only half-heartedly (ok 1/16th-heartedly) addressed the stuff issue. So I couldn’t deal with all this stuff yet, not with a newborn in the house. But I’d get to it eventually.

My wife is an only child. I am the oldest child. My brother has no children. My son was the first grandbaby on either side of the family. He got LOTS of stuff. The generosity of grandparents, uncles, aunts, and family is wonderful…and exceeded the capacity of my modest home. A few more years, another pregnancy, bedrest for the wife, still working from home on the fledgling ministry, had a part-time ebay golf business, and the house and garage is still full of stuff. Not like on that show Hoarders. I doubt that it is worse than most houses, but it’s still a lot of stuff. We increased our attempts to manage our stuff to make room for the new baby. She was the first grandDAUGHTER! Lord, help us! She’s now 3 and we have yet more stuff.

My brother lived six miles away. Yes, lived. He decided to broaden his horizons and move to New York City. He was housing his half of the sentimental-Dad-stuff  like 5 big boxes of Classic Rock Albums. He was moving to an apartment 1/6th the size of his house so now that stuff is at my house too.

Now on top of all that, it’s about to be Christmas. Crap (christianese)! Christmas! More stuff. I sense impending doom. Kind of like putting the next to last JENGA ® piece before the whole thing is going to fall over. It hasn’t toppled yet, but (with Christmas on the way) it is about to.

And so all this leads up to a refrain playing in the back of my soul. It starts quietly but steadily. As Thanksgiving gives way to December it begins to sprout. Then grow. And then it takes root like “What Does the Fox Say?” or “Gangum Style” and goes to bed with me and wakes me up in the morning. It’s just over and over, Christmas Sucks! More stuff. GOD, help us more STUFF! And I feel like a Scrooge when my wife (sweetly) told me I’m kind of grumpy this time of year. And I am. There’s lots more to it than just all the stuff. My Dad is gone and has never spent a Christmas with my kids. It’s a tough time of year for finances and ministry. I’m sure I need more Vitamin D. But the refrain that’s playing in my heart and mind as I awake is that Christmas Sucks. Not just Christmas, but December too, and the early part of January. Maybe even until my son’s birthday in Mid-January….oh yeah, that means more stuff too….UGH!

But it is not really Christmas that sucks.

But something feels sucky.

I think a big part of it is that I haven’t dealt with the old stuff (actual stuff, emotional stuff, spiritual stuff). I have dealt with some of it, am dealing with other parts of it, and some of it I am still practicing active avoidance. But Christmas seems to bring with it a reflection or realization of things unseen most of the rest of the year. Like the impending toppling of the Jenga ® tower of stuff.

But I think the even deeper suck-ness (I am just making up words now) isn’t my inability to deal with the piles of the past, it’s my struggle to be present to the now. It’s the pressure I feel to meet expectations (who am I trying to please anyway?) that make me say No more than Yes when my kids and wife want/need my unfettered attention. It’s the momentum from always feeling behind that makes me grumpy when it takes too long to decorate the house. It’s the worrying whether people will think I work hard enough to deserve financial support that makes up my salary that keeps me from going to my son’s Fencing class last night and my daughter’s gymnastics class today.

I am reminded of Matthew 11 in The Message Bible where Jesus says, Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest, and about learning the unforced rhythms of grace. My response to this season seems more like forced rhythms of hurriedness. I don’t think that’s what he has offered me for the taking….

As usual I am unsure how to wrap this up. Maybe I’m not supposed to. I hope it starts a conversation (on the blog or in your home). Do you get grumpy this time of year? Are you strangled by expectations and running from your stuff? Wouldn’t you like a little more of that rest and unforced rhythms of grace?

I know I would.

Chris has experience as a favored son and a branded outcast in a church. He’s a Sunday School dropout. He’s been a college minister, a worship leader, an interim pastor, a sales manager with high blood pressure, a driving range flunky, a recovering “Good Boy,” a wanna-be blogger, and a non-profit founder (Encounter Ministries 2004). He’s been challenged to two fights in his life, one in a comedy club and one in a church building after a prayer meeting. Most importantly, he spends his life fighting for the hearts of anyone who doesn’t yet fully believe that God loves them beyond their wildest dreams. You can connect with him on Twitter and Facebook.