One of my favorite songs right now (I say “right now” because my favorite songs change frequently) is “Say Something” by A Great Big World. I love the melody. I love the harmony. I love the piano part. (I’ve been learning to play it.) And I love the lyrics.

My favorite lines from the song are the hook:
Say something
I’m giving up on you

Those two lines stab my heart every time I hear them.

There’s nothing that makes me clam up and shut down faster than when someone says, Talk to me. My first thought is always, About what? What do you want me to say? I fear saying the wrong thing. (I know that’s hard to believe.) I fear saying something that will cause someone to give up on me. All of my issues with abandonment and rejection rise to the surface.

I’m giving up on you.

I’ve felt that a lot lately. Both sides of it. I’ve given up on some people, and some have given up on me. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing worse, except maybe the finality of death.

I keep asking myself this question: Who am I to give up on anybody? Overall, I think giving up on one another comes when we don’t talk…when two people reach the point they no longer communicate. So I find myself silently begging, Say something! Say anything!…Because I’ve said enough, and I don’t know what else to say. Silence implies we’re not worth one another’s time and effort…that we’ve given up. 

I find that I waver between hoping for restoration and realizing it may never be. I guess some relationships are toxic enough that silence is the only way to forgiveness and peace.

Say something? Maybe there’s nothing left to say. Is that the same as giving up? I don’t know…