An online friend recently posted this quote by Warsan Shire on her social media account: Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself — what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. Recreate and repeat.

As soon as I read the quote, I knew. I knew immediately what those moments are when I am most in love with myself.

But I didn’t always know.

I spent most of my life in religious denominations that taught self-denial in such a way that I learned self-hatred. Loving myself felt mostly like a sin, or at the very least, conceited. I had no idea it was okay to love myself, to care for myself, to be around people who made me feel loved, to do what I love to do.

As a result, I became a self-destructive doormat disguising my self-hatred as self-denial and sacrifice. Since loving and respecting myself didn’t seem like an option, I didn’t set boundaries that encouraged others to treat me with love and respect, either.

Healthy boundaries and an abundance of grace have changed me. I’ve learned what many Christians call sin is simply our humanity. I’ve learned that I don’t have to feel guilty or shameful about my humanity, nor do I have to deny it. I’ve learned that it’s part of who I am, who I was created to be. I’ve learned that grace encourages us to embrace our humanity because only then will we be whole.

In learning how to be whole, I discovered the moments I’m most in love with myself. I know what I’m wearing, who I’m around, and what I’m doing when I love myself the most:

I love myself most when I am weaving words and creating music, alongside others who love to do the same. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve. I am with people who see my heart, who allow me the freedom to be artistic and sensitive and courageous. There is a mutual respect for (and a lack of judgment of) our humanity.

Now that I know how it feels to be in love with me and to let myself be loved, I’m taking Shire’s words to heart. I’m finding ways to recreate those moments and repeat them…over and over.