My friend, Jamie, over at BrownPaperAnd Strings recently posted a great article about wrestling. I found it to be very timely since I seem to be in a never-ending wrestling match with God.

Since reading her post, I’ve been thinking a lot about Jacob. His one night victorious, wrestling match with God and his subsequent limp has always puzzled me. As a result, I started thinking about the events of Jacob’s life leading up to that point:

• held onto twin Esau’s heel during birth
• favored by his mother, Rebekah
• deceived his father, Isaac, to steal his brother’s birthright
• blessed by his father and sent away to live with his uncle, Laban {where he would remain 20 years}
• received God’s blessing in a dream during his travels, and awoke making a vow to God
• met and fell in love with Rachel
• agreed to work for Laban for seven years in order to marry Rachel
• tricked into marrying Rachel’s sister, Leah
• one week later married Rachel with the agreement to work another seven years for Laban
• angry with Rachel when she demanded a child, though she was unable to conceive
• eventually had a child with Rachel {Joseph, his favorite child}
• became extremely wealthy while working for Laban
• God told him to return to his homeland
• fled from Laban {who had become jealous of him}
• confrontation, followed by covenant with Laban
• planned to meet Esau with appeasement
• sent his family and all he owned ahead of him in preparation to meet Esau

I imagine a heavy weight settled on his shoulders and in his mind as he watched his family leave. Up until that point, he had always been the one leaving as a form of self-protection. Now he was sending people away to protect them from himself and whatever may happen as a result of meeting Esau.

At that point, Jacob is left to spend the night alone in fear of what daybreak would bring. Would Esau still be angry? Would Esau kill him? There’d be no sleeping for him that night.

Instead, God initiated a wrestling match with Jacob. All the events of his life had led up to this one crucial match. Would he hang on to God in his weakness, or would he let go and face the morning in his own strength? Would he face his past with God’s blessing, or would he use his old method of deception to attempt to win over Esau?

The wrestling match lasted until daybreak, at which point God dislocated Jacob’s thigh. It was then that Jacob should’ve physically yielded. The struggling may have been over, but he wouldn’t…couldn’t…let go. All his life, Jacob had used his strength to get what he wanted. Now, he was using his last bit of strength to hang on to God, to demand a blessing. Ironically, he was using his last bit of strength to ensure that he wouldn’t face the coming day in his own strength.

As Jacob is clinging to God in his weakened state, God asks him his name. He had to answer…Jacob, meaning “deceiver.” It reminds me of when Jesus asked Peter, Do you love me? In each instance, both Jacob and Peter had to face their pasts. I wonder if Jacob spat his name with disgust, or if he hung his head and muttered it. Deceiver. His whole life in that one word. Admission of a lifetime of deception.

In that instant, God changed his name. Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed (Gen. 32:28). Suddenly, after a long night of struggling with and clinging to God, he is changed from Deceiver to Overcomer.

By holding on to God in his weakest state, he overcame a lifetime of deception.

But he didn’t just want to overcome; he wanted a blessing. Already knowing the answer, Jacob asked, Please tell me your name (v.29). I don’t think he asked out of ignorance, or out of some ploy to trick God into answering; no, I think he needed reassurance of what had just occurred. I think he was asking, Are you really God? Did it really take me reaching the end of myself, desperately clinging to You, to overcome a lifetime of deception? Did this one instance really change me? Of course, God answers him in the way He usually does: Why is that you ask my name? (v.29). Then He blessed him. I believe God wanted Jacob to accept the mystery and wonder of the night…to live in and by faith, knowing that true blessing only comes from Him.

Jacob walked away that morning with a limp that remained with him the remainder of his life. A limp to remind him that in his weakness, God was victorious. I think his limp was a continual reminder to cling to God. It served to remind him of the bittersweet struggle that changed his life from deception to blessing. It was the wound that led to his healing.

As Jacob and Esau met in a sweet reunion that day, Jacob said …I see your face as one sees the face of God, and you have received me favorably. (33:10). Can you imagine the scene of the struggle and conversation with God replaying in his mind as he spoke those words? As one sees the face of God…with fear and delight. No deception, no ploy…just face-to-face, blessed honesty.