My cornsilk hair clung to my face in the summer heat as I sat on the front porch talking to Daddy. It was probably a Saturday. That was the day Daddy practiced his Sunday sermons, and I was often the recipient of those lessons.
He leaned forward and looked me in the eyes and asked me the same question he’d asked me at least a hundred times before: Do you know that you know that you know you’re saved? I was only seven, but I knew it was the most important question, and my answer determined my eternal fate. Yes, Daddy, I know.
I’ve thought about that question and my answer quite a bit recently. I’ve thought about how I’d respond if I were asked that question today.
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday—the highest holiday on the Christian calendar. It’s barely been on my radar this year. I haven’t been to church since last Easter, and I still haven’t decided if I’m going tomorrow. I suppose attending a service is the socially acceptable thing to do, but I don’t care much for abiding by socially-acceptable rules anymore.
Years ago, when I was still entrenched in the evangelical world, a friend going through a divorce asked me a question: Don’t you think God wants me to be happy? I didn’t respond, but my silence probably told her all she needed to know about my answer. Had I responded, I would’ve said, No, God doesn’t want you to be happy. He wants you to obey, and that means suffering. Never mind the fact that she was in a tumultuous marriage and needed out for her sanity and well being.
I used to believe salvation could be obtained by reciting the Sinner’s Prayer. I used to believe God wanted people to suffer in this life in order to be happy in some other life.
Eventually, I had to leave behind everything I’d been taught so I could find out what I believe. These days, if I were asked that front-porch question, I’d say, All I know is Love and Grace. If I had to answer the question, Don’t you think God wants me to be happy?, I’d say, Absolutely! Not only happy, but free!
If the Easter story is true, Jesus doesn’t limit his love to those who recite a sentence prayer. If the Easter story is true, salvation is the freedom to be happy, to be who we were created to be. If the Easter story is true, Jesus would turn a socially-acceptable church service into a lesson about grace for those who are socially-unacceptable.
