We’ve all been told at some point in our lives, Do the right thing. Maybe you heard it from a teacher, a parent, a pastor, a friend. I’ve heard it from all of the afore-mentioned.
Most of us know at gut-level what the right thing is in a given situation. But there are also times when we can drive ourselves nearly crazy trying to figure out what the right thing is.
I grew up hearing Do the right thing no matter what anybody else does, but I was often conflicted between what I felt my gut indicating and what I’d been taught to believe was the right thing. By the time I was a young adult, I’d silenced my gut and lived by a set of rules I’d been taught, which I called my beliefs.
Over the past ten years as my beliefs have been sifted, my mind and gut have frequently been in conflict over what the right thing is, which has often led to indecision and inaction and inner turmoil.
When you build your life around doing the right thing, and suddenly the right thing is no longer clear, fear takes up residence. For those of us who have lived this way, it is horribly frightening to open ourselves up to being vulnerable and allowing ourselves to make mistakes . . . to be unsure of whether or not we’re doing the right thing. Rather than take a chance and go with our guts, we retreat and shut down. And on the occasions when we do go with our guts, without all the over-thinking, people who have grown to expect us to behave according to a set of rules will often abandon us, which reinforces the idea of retreating and inaction.
But you know what?
The world doesn’t stop spinning when we fail to do the right thing, or when the right thing is different than what someone expected. It’s better to take a chance on something being wrong than to sit in a state of indecision, inaction, and inner turmoil. That’s when fear loses its grip on us and courage grows. It also lets us know who loves us and will stand by us.
I’m finding that for me, the right thing is most often that which includes love, peace, human equality, and healthy boundaries. And, oddly enough, giving myself permission and freedom to be wrong is the right thing.
Great post, Rebekah! Doing the “right thing” as you described appears to be what got Jesus forsaken, dismissed and killed. His life was the epitome of love, peace, equality, boundaries; he just happened to extend these things to the “wrong” folk. Thanks for continuing to challenge me. Shalom, sister.
Thank you, Garry.
Hi Rebekah,
Finally getting caught up on my blog reading! My first thought about this post is that just because other people say something is the “right” thing to do, does not make it so. My second thought is that, in my own experience, I am convinced that I did the “right” things – the things taught in scripture, the Jesus things, the things taught from the pulpit. It was others who didn’t do the “right” things. But because they were in the “right” positions, had the “right” last names, lived in the “right” neighborhoods, gave the “right” amount of money, etc., they could do the “wrong” things and it was okay – especially when it was done against someone who didn’t have those things. It’s crazy and mixed up and the only way to survive it is to remove yourself from it. They say that “right” always wins, but I can attest that “Jesus right” doesn’t always win in this world. “Right” name, position, neighborhood, etc., win nearly every time. That’s why our home is not here – for those of us who are “right” in lavishing love, grace, mercy, peace, etc. When I realized this, I could look upon my abusers with compassion. They are so convinced that they are “right” – and the temporal blessings they experience proves it in their minds. How could I not have compassion on those who are so blind? More than anything, I know that I cannot expose myself to their abusive mindset, but I can watch from afar and pray that God extend mercy.
Ellen